The Only Way is Through
With a little help from our family + friends
When I think about my happiest chapters in life, it’s always when I’ve been surrounded in community with family and friends. When I’ve felt deep connections with the people I’m close with, when I’ve felt a village at my back.
In college, when I lived off-campus in a house aptly named Diva House with my very best friends, only one of whom was technically a housemate. When I met my husband, when we had our son and lived within a little bubble, a cocoon during COVID, for the first few months of his life. During yoga teacher training with our tight knit group of yogis so young and in love with this shared practice of ours.
But of course, building community and connection or having a village isn’t always about being happy, nor does it equate to happiness, especially in a world that is increasingly fraught with loneliness.
Mostly when I think about building a community or having a village to call upon, I think about support. You know when you’re in a relationship and you only have 10% battery and you don’t have the energy to do that thing that you need or want to do, but then your significant other does it for you? Maybe they bring you a snack on the couch or they do the chore that needs to get done or they run out to the store for you.
My husband typically does pick-up on Wednesdays because I go into the office that day and have a bit of a commute. One recent Wednesday, he had to work late so I did pick-up instead.
I drove an hour to my mother-in-law’s, driving past our house on the way, and when I walked in the back door, she asked what I was doing there. I explained how David had to work late.
“But why are you here?,” she asked. And I explained some more.
Eventually, as I began to ask where my son was, it dawned on me.
He isn’t with my MIL on Wednesdays. He’s at my mom’s.
I laughed at my silly, tired, forgetful brain. My mom’s house is basically on my way home from the office - it would’ve been an extra 10 minutes in the car versus the road trip this was quickly becoming.
I called my mom to let her know. We laughed together. She responded that she’d feed Luca dinner and bring him home.
As we continued to chat, she shared that my sister had had a tough day and was home by herself with her daughter that evening. I hung up with my mom and called my sister to ask what she’d like for dinner. Despite her dispute, I went to pick it up and drop it off.
As I sat in the drive through lane waiting, I thought about how being a part of our family feels like that relationship where your significant other does things for you when you only have 10% battery, but instead of just being between a couple, it’s between several houses instead.
We regularly pay it forward for our people without any need for acknowledgment, but intrinsically knowing we’ll ultimately get it back tenfold. Aside from the fact that it just feels really good to do things for your people.
We’re so lucky to live near our families and to be both physically and emotionally close, something I’m hugely aware of and eternally grateful for - I know this isn’t the case for everyone.
Community and connection keep swirling around in my brain and popping up in my feed. How do we cultivate more of this as we make our way through the next four years? How can we be there for our people in-person versus virtually? How can we be more intentional about more face time, less screen time? The only way is through, with a little help from our family and friends.
I’m craving more brain space, more heart space, more space in my body. I know, for me, the way I find those is through boundaries with my phone and the news (while still staying informed), more connection with the people I love, and more movement and breathwork on a consistent basis.
If you’ve been feeling much of the same, but you’re unsure on how to create community and connection for yourself, here are a few ideas, some of which I’ve worked into my own life. It can be hard to make new friends as an adult, but it’s such a wonderful thing when it happens:
Start or join a book club. I wrote about starting my book club last year on our one year anniversary - coincidentally our second anniversary is this week!
Find a yoga studio near you. I’m biased as a yoga teacher, but even before completing my training 10 years ago, I loved the community feel of being a regular at the same studio. When you attend a few classes a week, you start to see familiar faces and it’s a great chance to make a friend. This doesn’t necessarily have to be yoga either!
Get to know your neighbors. This may not be applicable to everyone depending on where you live, but neighbors can be such a great source of support and friendship.
Join a run club. If you’re local to southwestern Connecticut, here’s a great one from a local market that happens on Saturday mornings and Monday evenings.
Take classes at a pottery studio. Not something I’ve personally done, but something I’m intrigued by!
Do you have a common interest with someone you know, even if they’re only an acquaintance? Invite them to participate in an activity centered on that shared interest with you. Essentially, any community events or hobbies are a great place to start. Joining a gym or any type of fitness activity is a great way to meet people.
It’s such a nice feeling when your village shows up for you. A huge part of that is showing up for your people. I loved this piece on supercharging your friendships, many of which I subscribe to.
This isn’t the first time I’ve banged on about community and connection. Here’s a past post on how we can learn from Portugal on facilitating both of these.
Tell me in the comments: What are your favorite ways to create new connections and cultivate those you already have? How do you show up for your people? When do you feel most supported by them?
RECENT HIGHLIGHTS:
LISTENING: #1 Neurosurgeon: How to Manifest Anything You Want + Unlock the Unlimited Power of Your Mind
I loved this Mel Robbins episode with neurosurgeon, Dr. Jim Doty. I’m all for some woo woo energy in my life, but my brain loves when it’s backed by science.
WATCHING - The Diplomat (Netflix) and Slow Horses (Apple TV)
There was a long drought over the summer and fall where we felt like there wasn’t much to watch, but then we found these two shows and our evening routine quickly became quite different as we made our way through two seasons of The Diplomat and then four of Slow Horses. Highly recommend both! Also, for anyone who has watched, I can’t get over that Hal in The Diplomat was Jasper in The Holiday.
BREATHING: 30 Days Free with the Open App
I feel better when I practice breathwork regularly so I’m making it a habit this year. The Open app is my favorite for this and I shared a little bit about that in a recent Platonic Love post about little things that make our lives a lot better. If you give Open a try here, you’ll get 30 days free (and I think I may get the same!) so that’s fun.
PRACTICING: Flow with EV Salon
I’m teaching a virtual yoga class this weekend with EV Salon, founded by Erika Veurink. Join us on Sunday, February 2nd at 4pm ET. Sign up here!
IN CASE YOU MISSED IT:
OUR JANUARY PRACTICES:
Thank you for practicing with me! I’m so grateful you’re here. You can find me on Instagram and TikTok, and shop my favorites here. If you enjoy weekly yoga classes, please consider becoming a paid subscriber. If you like this post, like, comment, and/or share it with a friend!